Sorry, I Can't Make You Magically Love Yourself.
Today I can't stop thinking about two things: self-worth and self-love. How do you learn to love yourself? How do you learn to appreciate yourself?
I was at a party once and a reader approached me to thank me for inspiring her with my journey. It's always weird to hear that -- Me? Inspire you? I'm flattered, of course, but always surprised to be reminded that my words are resonating with someone across the world.
What was the most chilling was the sincerity in her voice when she explained her biggest dilemma: how she can't love herself the way I can. How no matter how inspired she feels or how much she improves herself there is still something wrong. She can't do it. It's too hard.
As I attempted to shield her drunken tears from party traffic, I tried to explain to her that improving herself comes as a result of self-love. Not a catalyst.
Why do we think that finding a significant other will make us love ourselves more?
Why do we think having a better job will make us love ourselves?
Why do we put the blame on external experiences and life hurdles to explain why we can't love ourselves enough?
It is bullshit. And it is poisonous.
Dear beautiful human being:
The only one stealing your happiness is you. The only one making you a long-time victim of misfortune is you. It's not bad luck. It's not the bad experiences. Yes. Bad things happen. But they don't define you. It's the way you allow sadness to manipulate your outlook and relationships instead of allowing it to be a natural emotion that, as a human being, comes and goes as part of life.
Your assignment for the rest of this month:
Wake up everyday and say three things that are wonderful about you and your life. You can't repeat those qualities once you've said them, so dig deep. Dig deep and learn to appreciate yourself. Because if you don't, how will people know you're worth appreciating?
Let your friends know you love them and want them to value themselves as much as you value them. Pass this article on or pin the (new) Golden Rule photo above.